Boys in a box

I am quite cognizant of all the troubling images thrown at girls in the media. I remember feeling fat as I slipped on my jeans in high school, wishing I could lose those last ten pounds and be thin and beautiful. At the same time I was a huge tomboy – involved in sports all three seasons of the year and traveling teams in the summer. I was athletic and struggled between femininity and competitiveness – I am glad the competitive edge always won and I never decided it was better to be pretty and silly - a giggly-girl in order to draw men to me. My images were very conflicting and I understand completely the struggles girls face. As I raise my two daughters, ages 7 & 3, I feel ready to answer the tough questions and ready to encourage and support which ever path they take – hopefully educating them enough to see all their choices and allowing them the freedom to make their own decisions about what makes them happy - not just what makes me happy. What I am not ready for, what I do not understand and am repeatedly frustrated with, is what to tell my two sons. There are so many conflicting views in society of the role men are to play in their lives. My husband jokingly says that life was easier in the 50’s when everyone knew their role. His parents, he continues, never argued about who did the dishes, took out the garbage, changed the diapers, or paid the bills-no, the roles were very clear and everyone knew what was expected. Again – he is joking- but there is some truth in his thoughts – the truth being that roles today are unclear for young girls and boys.
The difference with boys, in my mind, is that there isn’t as big a push to change the portrayal of men in media. Not only this, but most homes, at least those I am accustomed to, are changing in their views of what it means to be a female, what options there are for females, but are holding tightly to what it means to be a male as well as male options.
Are my two sons supposed to be tough? Confident? Competitive? Gentle? Considerate? Self-sufficient? Doers of cooking and laundry and changing diapers? Are they supposed to save the world? Be heroes? Fight? Turn their cheek? Are they supposed to hunt? Kill? Kiss their baby’s boo-boos and wipe their wives tears? Are they supposed to cry?
What is a young man expected to do in today’s world? There are so many conflicting views. This subject was so big I decided to begin with images males see at a young age. I looked at toys for young boys and found a few categories:

Vehicles – cars, trucks, tractors, fire trucks, tanks
Heroes – firemen, police officers, military Action Figures – He-Man, Power Rangers, GI Joe, Transformers
War/Guns – Army figures, uniforms, grenades, guns, light sabers
Fighting – Star Wars, Pirate ships, swords, light sabers
Building – Leggos, Kinetix,
Sports – Football, Baseball, Basketball
Strategy/Competition – Stratego, Battleship


Four of the top ten toys for boys in 2007 included Power Rangers and/or Transformers. These figures are strong, faceless, heroes that save the world from evil. Their muscles ripple through their get-ups, their faces covered, so perhaps it could be any person – perhaps even the young child who holds the toy, and they always, in the end, prevail over evil using both brains and brawn. One trait that these action figures (as well as GI Joe) have that seems to contradict with some societal views of males is these action figures work as teams, seldom alone. Other action figures – Spider Man, Super Man, He-Man, Green Lantern, Bat Man (obviously before the Boy Wonder joined him) worked alone.
And then we are appalled and shocked by the amount of fighting, recklessness, competitiveness some young boys display. At the same time, those boys who are not displaying those traits are considered by some to be weak.

These toys promote power, strength, fighting, killing, competition, a challenge, thinking (about how to win/succeed/beat the enemy/outsmart) being smarter, faster, better, and winning. These traits all fit the stereotypical male role, but they are scary and lead me to a few questions)
What if a young male is not these things, or are not at all interested in these things? Where do they fit and what are they suppose to do?

Where are the images of men being responsible, supportive, forgiving, patient, loving, and understanding?


Where are the images of how to treat a woman? A child?

Where are the males in non-traditional roles? The male nurse? Dancer? Secretary? Teacher? Flight Attendant? Hair dresser? Manicurist? Can you picture them? Are you smirking? Are they homosexual? Metro-sexual? Are they middle/working class?

Here is where I began to look at older males in advertising and on television. Most males in advertising were not wearing much clothing as they displayed their sculpted arms and abs. They were attractive, sexy, charming, clean, smiling or determined looking men. On television, the males of the upper class are suit-clad professionals with impressive bodies, more impressive homes/cars/pocket books, and gorgeous wives.

Middle class men were usually portrayed as a bit clueless, out of shape, working class, struggling men with…gorgeous wives(exception being Rosanne). There were no lower class men on television that I could find – but I bet their wives are hot.

We are outraged by the media as they splash pictures at young females that are unhealthy and create negative body images – what about the images young boys see – are they healthy? The image to the left is titled, "the three body types" but I know a lot of men that do not have any of these body types - where do those men fit? How does a young man who does not fit any of these "types" place himself?

I have dreams for my sons and daughters, I have concerns about their body-image and self esteem, I feel equipped to help my daughters-only because I feel I have been there- I haven’t a clue what to tell my sons.